


We Are(n't) Dating

by Chromi



Series: Deuce-centric [17]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Drinking & Talking, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, Light-Hearted, M/M, Prompt Fill, Public Humiliation, Silly, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:01:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26256823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chromi/pseuds/Chromi
Summary: "C'mon then, Master Ace," Skull roared, beer sloshing dangerously close to the rim of his enormous tankard, "tell us how long you an' Master Deu've been datin' already."
Relationships: Masked Deuce/Portgas D. Ace, Spade Pirates & Portgas D. Ace
Series: Deuce-centric [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1576678
Comments: 11
Kudos: 59





	We Are(n't) Dating

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt "everyone thinks we’re already dating, but we’re just best friends- oh wait" sent in on Tumblr. I feel its a bit too long for the [Tumblr prompt collection](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21322405/chapters/50779060), so here we go!
> 
> Minimal effort. Just meant as a bit of a laugh. Enjoy ♥

A typical night on board the Spadille. Drinks in hand all around - piles upon piles of pirates all over the deck - Kotatsu the lynx on the prowl for any snacks he can coerce out of the less than sober members of the tightly-knit family.

Their captain, a bit merry.

Their first mate, a bit merrier still.

Three rounds deep into a card game that Deuce taught them a while back called Ten Up Ten Down - a game which no one initially understood, but, after a trial run, all found themselves getting violently competitive over, naturally.

When suddenly, the question seeming to spring to mind out of quite literally nowhere, punctuating a conversation that had been meandering into the depths of everyone's favorite brand of beer, Skull genially slapped Ace on the knee.

"C'mon then, Master Ace," he roared, beer sloshing dangerously close to the rim of his enormous tankard, "tell us how long you an' Master Deu've been datin' already."

The conversation - previously lively and colorful - came to a grinding halt. Even Kotatsu paused mid-wrestle with Wallace for his jerky, looking round with the rest of the crew in sudden rapt attention.

Ace, his composure in place and intact as ever when faced with the unexpected, simply fixed Skull with a politely bemused smile. Deuce, on the other hand, missed his mouth entirely with his own tankard, spilling his drink down his chin with a cough.

"Why do you think we're dating?" Ace asked after a moment of stunned silence, quite missing (or perhaps not bothering to take notice of) how the rest of the crew in their circle cast each other with furtive, shifty looks. Even Mihal, who had joined them for a rare night out of the depths of the ship, looked distinctly uncomfortable, trying to discreetly signal to Skull to stop, draw back, and give it up as a bad job.

"Oh, wow, let me think," Skull pulled an exaggerated pout, frowning and comically tapping at his chin, "because you so obviously are?"

"We aren't," Deuce offered, slightly slurred, mopping at his lap with his sleeve.

"Yeah, we aren't," Ace echoed, frowning himself now. "What gives?"

Skull threw his hands up in the air in exasperation, his tankard sailing dangerously close to Ace's head. "Yes you _are!"_ He cried as if taking their denial as a personal insult. "Trust me boys, I've spent a _lot_ of time around people - learning their habits, studying their movements and body language - and the two of you are _definitely_ dating. I mean," he snorted, fixing Ace with a shitty grin that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end, "no one else in this crew behaves like you two do with each other."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Deuce snapped, pointing an accusatory finger at Skull, who snickered gleefully. "Is this just because we spend time together on shore leave?"

"Yeah, 'cause plenty of you guys do that," Ace piped up, nodding, "and not to mention we aren't the only ones who sleep together, either— by which I mean sharing a bed," he said in a bored voice as Skull showed every inclination of interrupting, grinning broadly. "I've seen you all piling up in a heap on deck, napping and lounging around... and I _know_ that Cornelia and Banshee top and tail sometimes—"

"Exactly," Deuce interrupted, jumping on Ace's role of proving themselves innocent, "plus, if you're referring to how we go off alone when we're in port, you guys do realize that's to go get supplies, right? I can't trust him to be left alone."

"Oh, wow, your vote of confidence is _so_ reassuring, Deu, thank you—"

"All right, then," Skull smirked, reaching into the middle of their circle and snatching up the wine bottle this time instead, "riddle me this: have you or have you not kissed each other at any point?"

Everyone already knew the answer. Everyone - including Kotatsu - had seen them both, inebriated, crash into what had had to be a painful butting of faces together before collapsing into giggles just a couple of days ago... not to mention the countless other moments when someone had happened upon them in the map room, in the kitchens, the mess hall, the bathroom... each time situated uncomfortably close to the other, one or the other coming up with the stupidest of explanations for their close proximity. _He had an eyelash on his cheek. He was showing me the details of this map. I couldn't hear what he was saying._

But still, regardless, Skull should have known _better_ than to bring this up! The rest of the crew wanted to groan as they collectively held their breath, waiting for Deuce's screeched denial, for Ace to laugh it off and then, most likely, cover it up by offering to plant a big wet one on Skull instead.

But to their amazement - to their total and utter disbelief - Deuce merely shrugged, pouring himself another drink.

"Yeah?" He said like it was nothing, like Skull had asked him if it was cloudy this evening or if Banshee's food was god-awful rancid. "You know we have. Everyone has. Loads of friends have kissed once or twice."

"Or three or four times," Skull muttered.

"Three or four _hundred_ times," Mihal added, earning several giggles and nods from the rest of the crew.

"You've never kissed _me_ ," Saber whined, wiping away a non-existent tear with a heaved sniff, "I'm really hurt."

"Because I have standards, dude."

"And that standard is our captain?"

"I guess, sure."

"Is he a good kisser?" Skull asked eagerly. Deuce shrugged.

"I don't exactly have anyone else to compare him to," he said which, he seemed to realize far too late, was precisely the wrong thing to say, seeing as the others appeared to be _delighted_ by this little tidbit of information.

"So, yeah!" Ace cut in hastily, "of course we have! We've been together over a year now; it's not like a kiss here or there is such a wild thing to happen."

"Not to mention y'all call each other _partner_ ," Banshee grinned around her pipe. "Mighty cute, that."

"You're all my partners," Ace said with such honesty that no one could bring themselves to mention that he had not, at any point in any of their memories, ever referred to a crew member other than Deuce as his partner.

"So if you've kissed each other plenty of times and were quite happy to do so," Wallace asked, pinning Deuce, then Ace, with such an intense stare that not a single person was left in doubt as to what question was coming next, "have you gone any further than that?"

Ace and Deuce looked blankly at each other, then back to Wallace.

"Further than what?" Ace asked.

"Further than kissing."

"He wants to know if you've fucked," Skull said brusquely, despite Mihal's hissed _shh!_

"Oh."

Another shared look, this time complete with Ace's cheeks coloring, with Deuce's tankard slipping right out of his hands, landing with a splash on the deck.

His yelp of surprise wasn't enough to cover up their reaction; nor could he hide it by fumbling around to find a rag to dry up his lost drink, avoiding everyone's suddenly scorching stares.

"Oh, my god," Mihal murmured, mouth hidden by his hand.

"Well, I'll be damned," Banshee breathed.

"Wasn't expecting that," Skull admitted, looking thoroughly impressed.

"What?" Ace asked, looking between each of his crew mates, including Deuce, who was conveniently too busy mopping and wiping to meet his eyes this time. "Loads of people practice sex first."

"Uh, no they don't, Ace," Mihal said quietly, looking very much like he would like nothing more than to whip the two away and impart his very best sex education... not that they exactly needed it, by the sounds of things. "Practicing kissing is one thing, but..."

"Who the hell practices _fucking?"_ Skull roared with laughter, slapping Deuce on the back. "What are you, idiots?"

"It wasn't _practice_ ," Deuce seethed, flinging the sopping rag at Ace, who had started to laugh along with the others, his expression alive with humiliation, "we're not _that_ clueless. It wasn't like that."

"Then what was it?" Skull grinned. "It ain't a thing you do with friends, really, unless you're friends with benefits or something, which I doubt you two even know is a thing. I mean, everyone else here's managed to not stick their cock in another of the crew... or ridden someone else's cock," he added with a polite little nod towards Banshee and Cornelia.

"Wouldn't dream of it," Cornelia rolled her eyes, which Skull neither heard or noticed.

"Well, shit," Ace muttered, looking utterly bewildered, "maybe we _are_ dating?"

Deuce, red, embarrassed to high heaven and back again, shrugged awkwardly. "Maybe we are."

"No, no, no, you aren't wriggling out of the question like that," Skull declared, clapping his hands together, "I wanna know details, lads, _details!_ What on _earth_ led you two into thinking 'hey, I'd really like a go on his dick right about now'? What happened?"

But he never found out, much to his dismay, for Deuce, swaying and red-faced, got to his feet and left the circle to a booming chorus of boos and _aw Deu come back! You don't have to tell if you don't wanna!_

"Sorry, guys," Ace grinned, getting to his feet also, "that's private. You know how these things go."

"Yeah, _we_ do, but you two certainly don't," Skull laughed, patting Ace's leg affectionately. "Go tell him we said sorry... and see about comforting him some, hm?"

Ace didn't need telling twice.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to fill [my Tumblr](https://chromiwrites.tumblr.com/) inbox with prompts, nonsense, or anything at all! I love to chat TT
> 
> Comments and kudos let me know if I'm doing something right, and I always love your feedback!


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